Endings are not what we like in life. A beginning is so much more exciting. We love the start of a new novel, a new show or movie. It's exciting to start a new job or find a new home.
Endings can be hard. They can cause tension and strife. Endings mean letting go, moving on. People can be hurt by us going forward without them. There can be a feeling of our investment being a waste of time because the friend we thought would be there along side us has now said they are abandoning us. (Or at least it feels like abandonment). Yes, we can stay friends. But the shared work of ministry, of raising kids, of water cooler camaraderie is no longer there.
Endings mean walking away from what has been safe. What has become comfortable. When an ending comes, it means stepping into the unknown. We have a lot of questions, but not very many answers. We have come to understand how our co-workers interact with our personality. We know what is expected. What rules are hard and fast and what rules are merely suggestions. An ending means having to relearn all of that stuff. It's hard work and adjustments that can leave us doubting our choice.
How do we navigate all of those hard things with dignity? How do we end well?
We start with making time to say good-bye. Take time to let the people know you are moving on. That seems obvious, but so often we don't want to have the conversation that is difficult. Because we know that when we say good-bye there will be a pulling away. That ministry partner that has checked in on us will stop sending a hello text. That co-worker we email funny memes to will start being all business. The standing lunch date will become less of a priority and more of a suggestion. To say good-bye is to begin untying the bonds that have connected us to our people. But this time of saying good-bye is a sacred time. People want to help us. They need to time to let go of us as much as we need to let go of them. All of us need a grieving period to see where the relationship is going to go.
We also need to make a plan of future communication. If you have truly bonded with someone, then this will be a natural step. There will be a phone call or an e-mail exchange. You will still get the wildly inappropriate meme at ten o-clock p.m. Other times, we will see that the relationship was situational. That it was more about the work you were doing together than it was about friendship. That's ok too. Not everyone can be your best friend.
That leads into letting go of acquaintances. Not every person we come into contact with is going to be a heart-friend. Most of the people we meet are acquaintances. The social media beast lets us into whatever parts of our life we are willing to share. But that also means we have a false sense of intimacy with a lot of the people we see on-line. This breeds shallow relationships. Instead of a relationship built on time, trust, mutual sharing and vulnerability, we have one built on photo filters, 160 characters and the number of hearts we receive. These 'friends' quickly reveal themselves after about two weeks of you moving on.
To say end is to say good-bye. And that is hard. But do it well my friends. Because a good ending sets you up for great beginning.
Endings can be hard. They can cause tension and strife. Endings mean letting go, moving on. People can be hurt by us going forward without them. There can be a feeling of our investment being a waste of time because the friend we thought would be there along side us has now said they are abandoning us. (Or at least it feels like abandonment). Yes, we can stay friends. But the shared work of ministry, of raising kids, of water cooler camaraderie is no longer there.
Endings mean walking away from what has been safe. What has become comfortable. When an ending comes, it means stepping into the unknown. We have a lot of questions, but not very many answers. We have come to understand how our co-workers interact with our personality. We know what is expected. What rules are hard and fast and what rules are merely suggestions. An ending means having to relearn all of that stuff. It's hard work and adjustments that can leave us doubting our choice.
How do we navigate all of those hard things with dignity? How do we end well?
We start with making time to say good-bye. Take time to let the people know you are moving on. That seems obvious, but so often we don't want to have the conversation that is difficult. Because we know that when we say good-bye there will be a pulling away. That ministry partner that has checked in on us will stop sending a hello text. That co-worker we email funny memes to will start being all business. The standing lunch date will become less of a priority and more of a suggestion. To say good-bye is to begin untying the bonds that have connected us to our people. But this time of saying good-bye is a sacred time. People want to help us. They need to time to let go of us as much as we need to let go of them. All of us need a grieving period to see where the relationship is going to go.
We also need to make a plan of future communication. If you have truly bonded with someone, then this will be a natural step. There will be a phone call or an e-mail exchange. You will still get the wildly inappropriate meme at ten o-clock p.m. Other times, we will see that the relationship was situational. That it was more about the work you were doing together than it was about friendship. That's ok too. Not everyone can be your best friend.
That leads into letting go of acquaintances. Not every person we come into contact with is going to be a heart-friend. Most of the people we meet are acquaintances. The social media beast lets us into whatever parts of our life we are willing to share. But that also means we have a false sense of intimacy with a lot of the people we see on-line. This breeds shallow relationships. Instead of a relationship built on time, trust, mutual sharing and vulnerability, we have one built on photo filters, 160 characters and the number of hearts we receive. These 'friends' quickly reveal themselves after about two weeks of you moving on.
To say end is to say good-bye. And that is hard. But do it well my friends. Because a good ending sets you up for great beginning.
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