Lord, Teach Me

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I remember when I didn't have kids. I was married and smug in my assumptions that I was going to do things differently than my parents had. In fact, I was going to do them better. Because if there was one thing a few weeks of babysitting an only child coupled with the hubris of youth told me it was, I knew what I was GONNA do. 

Then my baby came, then another. Then five years later yet another. You know what? I didn't have a clue with any of them. I knew the basics like how to change a diaper. I read the books like "What to expect" and I even read a few blog posts. I looked to the examples of some women I respected, even my own mom. I determined what worked for me and what wouldn't. With each kid that changed a little bit. Sometimes, it was a drastic change. We made it through infancy, toddlerhood, pre-school and elementary. Now I'm in the middle of adolescence and I realize I know even less about how to parent than I thought in the first four stages of my kids lives. I oscillate between , "Why won't you just do what I say, anymore?" and sitting back in my easy chair with a bag of popcorn waiting for them to make mistakes so I can jump in with a teachable moment no one appreciates. Some days I even get to throwing my hands in the air and saying "Good luck with that!" 

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Have you been there? So frustrated with your child that it feels impossible to know how to handle a situation? You can physically feel the pull of your child away from you? Seeing their minds counting down to the day they get out of your home and finally able to join the real world and make their own choices? Then the next minute they come with a request for money or a ride or a snack or to have a friend over as if they haven't just shredded your heart with their flippant disregard of your house rules? Of your own emotions? 

That's where we are some days. I am realizing more and more how ill-equipped I am to parent my teenagers well. By the time I was a teenager all I wanted to do was get a job, buy a car and not be dependent on anyone again. I praise God they haven't experienced the kind of trauma I did that led to me wanting to be independent. I see that I don't know how to parent from a place of wholeness, I only know how to parent out of my own brokenness. And that is why I need to be taught by my most perfect Parent how to love and raise my own kids well. 

Psalm 25:5 is a prayer that says "Guide me in your truth and teach me, for you are God my Savior, and my hope is in you all day long". Another favorite I frequently adapt as a prayer are the words of Jesus when He says in Matthew 11:29-30 "Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light". Because I need that reminder, that parenting is not just a burden that I carry alone. It is a burden that is light because I have the support and love of the Holy Spirit. I have the ability to tap into supernatural power when I am facing a battle with one of my kids. I am constantly seeing the love and grace the Father bestows onto me by how overwhelmed I am by love and grace for my kids. 

My friends, we do not parent out of our brokenness when we surrender it to Jesus. We can parent out of the unending provision of God when we surrender that brokenness to Him. He is our portion and provider. When we are faced with a situation in parenting that we are or feel we are ill-equipped to handle, let's turn to the one who is ever so patiently parenting us. 

Making Friends

 Friends. Friendship, how do we attain that? I know others write about this and I am going to bring in some thoughts that I have heard over the years. I'll also tell you why I found friends to be so important.

Let's begin by being clear on what a friend is. It's not someone that Facebook suggests to you because you might share an acquaintance with some one. Those are acquaintances. They are people you might meet at a baby shower for the shared friend. They are not people you would call at the last minute to watch your children. A friend, a true friend, is someone you spend time with. Face to face. Not just face to Facebook.

Friends can be tricky, everyone has an opinion on how you should be a friend. Some people like to have a conversation over the phone with friends every few days, others can go months without seeing someone but than meet up and share an experience together and everything seems the same. Other people like to give and receive from their friends. Friends come in all shapes and sizes. Even social media has it's benefits for connecting and growing relationships between people. 

Well, gee Ms. Katie, that's great. But how do I make friends? This is going to be life changing, wait for it... wait for it..... leave your house. Whether physically leaving your home, or joining a community that is on-line, we have the capacity to meet other people. 

I am an outgoing person. I like to be with people. I talk to strangers at the super market and park. I give advice to people at Redbox. At restaurants. Really anytime I over hear or see some one deliberating over a choice I will chime in. I regularly give my email and phone number to other moms I meet at play places or the park. It's mortifying to all the introverts in my family. 

That wasn't always the case. I've always been outgoing, but I used to hold back from extending myself to strangers. Because it can be weird or awkward. I am sure there are people I have given my opinion to that would have preferred I just kept my mouth shut about what they should have for lunch. Or maybe they didn't want to know what I thought about their movie choice. I have been told to mind my own business enough times that I'm more cautious about where I'll weigh in on other people's lives. 

It is scary and intimidating to introduce yourself to others. It's so much easier to just ignore the other mom at the play place or the library that has a child close in age to yours. We have things to do and places to be. We can duck our heads into our smart phones and never make eye contact with a stranger again. I get that. What are we missing when we don't look up from our devices? What help could God be providing in a friend we haven't met yet? 

  Friendships enrich our lives. It's been proven that we live longer and healthier lives with friends. We need people to hang out with. Facebook is not enough. Instagram, Snapchat and whatever other social media outlets are out there are not enough. We miss out on something when we don't share our lives with those outside our family circle. The Bible is pretty clear about the importance of friendship. Proverbs 27:9 says that "A sweet friendship refreshes the soul". Ecclesiastes 4:9-10 says that "Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their labor. If either of them falls one can help the other up, But pity anyone who falls and has no one to help them".  These verses aren't about gathering a group around you for how they can help you work, they mean that we need community to help us thrive as individuals. 

I once heard a speaker share that there are two kinds of people in the world. One has the mentality of wanting to be recognized, a hear I am kind of person. The other is a there you are kind of person. As believers in Christ it's our job to reach out to the lost. The broken. The wall-flower who hasn't blossomed yet. We don't all have to be loud and obvious in our approach to others, but we do have to take the first step. Let's join together and be the kind of people that say, "there you are!" with a smile. 

How the prayers for my kids have changed

    I've entered a stage of life I thought I would be better prepared for. My darling chubby-faced munchkins have grown into sharp cheek-boned adolescents. Yes my friends, our family is in the throws of raising teenagers.

 

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I've got two guys and a gal. It's all so much harder than I thought it would be. When they were young, let's say under five, I thought it was difficult. If not impossible to make sure these three didn't get injured, maimed or killed. When I had less hands then kids to hold onto, I was sure something catastrophic was going to happen. I thought, with my own youthful hubris, if we can just make it to ten, surely things will get easier for all of us. 

 

  In some ways, it has. The older two are in high school. So close to being able to drive themselves places. They have the ability to make plans and communicate them clearly. While they still humor me with watching a show together, I know much less about the day to day interactions they have with their friends. Also, I don't always know their friends parents. This season is much more about relying on the God I entrusted them to as babies. It's a greater exercise in faith then when I controlled their social calendar. They guys are making choices about their faith I don't always agree with. Watching them struggle through friendships and romantic relationships is much more about giving counsel than it is mandating what choice should be made. The looming specters of graduation, college choice and young adulthood are just months away instead of years. My prayers have become a lot more about keeping them safe. That God would give them wisdom and discernment. That their future spouses would be people of God. That the places they end up at for school and work would be places that see and appreciate their talents. That each of my boys would be willing to pay their dues while also leaning into the gifts, talents and skills they have. Being both servants and leaders in the way of Christ that was hopefully modeled at home. 

The youngest is our gal. She is a special blend of childhood innocence and early adolescent spunk. We are transitioning away from the carefree nature of our sprite and moving into the realm of peer acceptance, girl-drama, mental whiplash from emotional swings and the wariness of entering middle school. My daughter and I are wrestling with moving from me being her favorite person to me being on the sidelines. I'm not sure where I would rather be. There's a lot more emotions to process. A lot of letting go of childish ways. There's so much fear in becoming a teen. So much is unknown and can't be understood until you are actually going through the situations. We pray for friends that know Jesus. Young sisters in Christ who can come along side her and strengthen her resolve not to compromise in this world. That my daughter's need for others approval would be smaller than her knowledge of who she is in the eyes of Christ. 

We are in a land fraught with danger, this land of teendom. It has many unknowns and variables. This where we see if the lessons of youth carry into adulthood. Whether the seeds planted have landed on fertile or rocky soil. There is little to do but be available, keep praying, being a chauffer when necessary, and always having their favorite snacks on hand. 

We are family

 When you read the Bible, especially in the four gospels of the New Testament, you can find some radical stuff. One such unorthodox passage is Mark 3:33-35. In this passage, Jesus is talking to a crowd. He has been going about His earthly ministry. His family is told about all the "crazy" things that He is saying. Jesus's mom and brothers come to talk some sense into Him. When Jesus is told they are trying to reach them, He says 

"A crowd was sitting around him, and they told him, “Your mother and brothers are outside looking for you.” Who are my mother and brothers?" He asked.Then He looked at those seated in a circle around Him and said, "Here are my mothers and brothers! Whoever does God's will is my brother and sister and mother." (Mark 3:32-35)

Jesus brought a radical change to the idea of family for the church. Jesus respected His family of origin, but He didn't allow them to overwhelm the ministry God gave Him. Instead of bowing to the traditions and expectations of His earthly parents, Jesus instead submitted to the will of His heavenly Father. Jesus shows us that family goes far beyond the walls of our homes. It even goes beyond the boundaries of our communities or cities. 

When we surrender to the gift of salvation, we are adopted into the family of God. Yes, sometimes we are blessed to have brothers, sisters, mothers and fathers in Christ as part of our insular families, but we have a much larger family beyond those we grew up with. So often I think we miss this idea. Instead of looking for family among the body of believers, we spend a lot of time looking for the approval and love of our Heavenly Father among the inadequate efforts of our earthly families. 

That is why we have a constant ache for something beyond ourselves. That is why we can never be satisfied with the love and affection of our home families. When we sacrifice obedience and acceptance from the Father for the acceptance and love of our immediate families, we miss out on the gift of God's family found in the community of your place of worship. No earthly familial relationship will ever fill us with the love and completeness we only get from our Heavenly Father. 

Christ is where we find completeness. God alone is the one who does not abandon us. The Holy Spirit soothes our wounds and binds up our broken places with the tender ministrations of a mother. It is in the body of believers that we find sisters in faith we can share our burdens with and they will understand without the glasses of sibling rivalry. It is among our brothers in faith that we can find fellow warriors that will fight for us in prayer instead of against us for some trivial trophy. It is in our church family that we find spiritual grandparents and parents that can give wisdom gleaned from holy scriptures that is much more effective than the generational patterns we learned from our biological parents and grandparents. 

The most well-meaning and faith-based families are still human at the end of the day. We all have hurts and points of suffering that have come from the homes we were born into. That is one of the reasons the church was established. To be a place that we can come together and find the healing and love that is only found in the arms of our Father. 

God's Excitement

 The gospel of Mark is often called the "action gospel". It reads more like a movie screen play than an epic story like the book of Luke might. Mark doesn't mince words or add a lot of unnecessary details. He gives us just the facts at a brisk, and sometimes even terse, pace. As I was reading through this fast-paced account of Jesus's life a scene in the very first chapter struck me. It is just as Jesus is being baptized by John the Baptist. Jesus is beginning His earthly ministry. Read what Mark 1:10 says:

Just as Jesus was coming up out of the water,

 he saw heaven being torn open 

and the Spirit descending on him like a dove.

A few things to notice. First, Jesus is not only being anointed by physical water, He is also being seen as chosen by God for the ministry He will be doing. The dove that descended from heaven was the Holy Spirit coming to fill Jesus with the power of God. This is huge to both the people at the time who saw Jesus being baptized, and also to us now. We can be assured that Jesus has always had the divine anointing of His Father to save the lives of the lost. 

Second,  the heavens were torn open. Can you feel the excitement of God? He had been waiting centuries for the reconciliation of creation. For what had been lost in the Garden of Eden to find the map back to relationship with their Creator. God is filled with glee and joy to finally put into motion what the Trinity has been waiting for. That is how excited God gets about you, dear friend. He tore open

the way back to heaven for us. Not by ritual or sacrifice. Not by rote prayers or daily spiritual practices. God tore open the way  to heaven by sending Jesus to bear our sins on a cross. Knowing the full extent of that pain and agony. But also knowing the victory and clear path the resurrection would bring. 

Finally, Jesus saw the heavens being torn open and the Spirit descending. Jesus knew, as He maybe had known His entire life, that He was being set apart. Jesus saw how much God wanted Him to be on Earth as God's ambassador to us. Jesus had known since the creation of the world what His role would be in that reconciliation we would need. Jesus fully and completely participated in that work. The Holy Spirit continues it through us now. 

Let us not miss the fact that as joyfully as God celebrated Jesus beginning His earthly ministry to the world, that's how fully God celebrates us joining Him in spreading the gospel message. The same way God tore opens the heavens for the Spirt to descend on Jesus, that's how fully He pours out the Holy Spirit onto each of us. You are celebrated, my dear one. Your Father in Heaven has the store houses of heaven waiting to pour out on you. You don't have to make yourself worthy, Christ has already done that for you. Come join the Trinity and embrace God's excitement of you.

Learning to Be

This is where I wrestle. I have long dealt with the belief that the only way to earn God's favor is by doing enough. If I can be seen as capable or knowledgeable, I will be also be seen as worthy. If I can check off all the to-do list items, I can somehow have the right to be called a child of the King.  If I can just do enough, I am being enough. When I am good, I am protected and loved and taken care of by God. When I am bad, I no longer deserve that protection, love or gentle care of God. This lie and distortion of the Truth of God is a stronghold I continually struggle with. 

I picked this lie up when I was young, younger than ten. As I grew up in the church, I took that lie and planted it at the center of my faith. I was, and still am, so good at checking off boxes to make sure that I was good enough for my Jesus. I wanted nothing more than His approval for me. For the RIGHT to be called His daughter. 

This need for Christ's approval spills over into other relationships as well. I want my husband, parents, kids, friends and even sometimes strangers to like me so much that I know I am worthy of their time. Because if I am worthy of them, I am worthy. 

All this searching for my own worthiness left me tired. Worn out from the roller coaster of my own performance. It led to, years of striving and missing the mark which led to a doubling down of my own effort. Until I eventually had no more effort left because I had reached the limit of my own self. Here is where I confronted the lie. 

When you and I are unable to DO anymore. When you and I are physically, mentally, emotionally or spiritually unable to make whatever situation we are in tolerable or end victoriously, that is where we find Jesus. He is not at the bottom of our to-do list. He is not in the corner office waiting to give us a performance review. Christ is waiting at the moment of our surrender. 

Second Corinthians 12:9-10 says, "But He said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.' Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses so that Christ's power may rest on me." Paul is talking to the Corinthian church about letting go of their own selves. The believers in that church needed to stop trying to do things in their own power or abilities. We do too! 

When you and I stop striving to be good enough, there is Jesus, When we put down our list of rules to follow and embrace mercy, that's when we find Jesus. When you and I lay down what we should do, what we could do, or what we ought to do, that where we find Jesus telling us what HE will do. We need only to surrender to find that Christ's burden is light and His yoke is easy. 

The Proper Attitude of Christ

 

Growing up in church, I was never sure how I was supposed to feel about the character traits and gifts I had as part of my personality. There was a little bit of gladness or joy that I could sing, but only when I sang church music. There was a whole lot of tamping down of my ability to pick up on dance steps, because my church wasn't a big proponent of dancing. I was good at leading others and getting work done in school, but somehow that wasn't always praised inside my church building. There was a lot of confusion for a young woman eager to serve Jesus without a clear set of instructions on how that was supposed to look. 

I knew that I had leadership skills, I could tell a story and explaining the Bible was natural for me. I also knew that I was supposed to be humble about my gifts and that promoting my self was seen as not trusting God. So how was I supposed to share the gifts God gave me with the world? What is the right way to handle the Gospel of Truth? I didn't know at the time. But thankfully, God has shown me some of His truth to help me on this journey.

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 These are a few of the truths that build the foundation for who Christ says we are. 

1. We are saved. Christ came into the world to save the lost. That is what you are if you have confessed Jesus as Lord. John 10:9 says that Jesus is "the gate; whoever enters through Me will be saved." That is our first step to having a right opinion of ourselves. 

2. We are conquerors. Because we are loved by God, we are "more than conquerors." Meaning we walk in the victory over death and sin that came when Jesus arose from the dead. Let's remember that the next time we feel defeated and heavy-laden with the burdens of this world. We don't carry those anymore! We have the gift of surrendering them to Jesus. Not that we won't have troubles, because we will, but because we no longer carry them alone. 

3. We are equipped with every good thing that we will need to do the work of God according to Hebrews 13:21. God already knows what He has in store for you to do. Maybe that's being a CEO, maybe it's being a mom at home, maybe it's being a mountain climber. Whatever it is, God has set in you the gifts, talents, abilities and natural skills you will need to get the job done. Just keep doing the work for Jesus and not to impress others. 

4. We are to be empty. When we each made a choice to follow Jesus, we agreed to empty ourselves of all our old parts. All the sin and selfishness, all the broken ways we respond to the world, and any other part of us that needed to be removed we gave permission to the Holy Spirit to remove. Once emptied out, we then are able to be filled back up with the things of God. In Romans 15:13, Paul says, "May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit."

5. Finally, and probably most importantly; we are to be humble. Ephesians 4:2 says we are to "be completely humble and gentle with one another...". Yes, we have all the amazing things listed above, but our attitude should be that of a servant. Like Jesus Christ's attitude was. Who being in the very likeness of God did not consider equality with Him something to be used to His advantage (Philippians 2:6). Instead, Christ humbled Himself to the point of death. That is our example. To be so humble and gentle that we would be willing to die for those we are in contact with us. This is only done by the power of the Holy Spirit in us. 

Go forward with all the authority of a child of the King. Serve humbly and walk faithfully my friend. 

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