When What Is, Isn't What I Wanted

This is a post I made for the community, Jesus Sisters. It is a place for connection and encouragement. A place to find a sisterhood of believers just waiting to bear one another's burdens, joys and share life together. You can follow our Facebook page at https://www.facebook.com/Jesus-Sisters-101323135197011 or follow us on Instagram @jesussisterscommunity

When I think about community, I think about gathering. In person. With hellos face to face. With a warm hug. A cup of coffee carefully balanced so as not to spill on my friend. I think about corporate worship. Joining together with two or three or more as we sing our praises to God together. I think about discussion about the Bible in my home with other seekers. Community, to me, means being together, face to face. 

When March of 2020 dictated a new way of life for all of us, it was one year ago. One year ago my kids stopped going to school, my husband came home from work and the world as I knew it shut down. The first loss I grieved was that of community. The weekly and monthly commitments I had carefully planned and curated became nothing more than wisps of smoke. The conversation over and over again was, how do we keep our community intact if we can't meet face to face? There was and is still immediate resistance when I hear the word "Zoom". I'm thankful for technology, but it's not the same as being able to hug and smile at a friend in the same air space. 

This is your space. This is your permission to grieve. Even if you've been grieving since the first round of quarantine. Even if you have been totally fine until now. You are allowed to grieve what was. What is currently. As I have moved out of my own grief, I continue to mourn with those that are mourning. I continue to listen with a sympathetic ear to those that struggle with what the world is. Even with hope of vaccines, new and amazing ways to communicate with each other, I continue to long for the day I can go to visit my grandma and not be fearful. I long for the day I can be back in church and all the rows of seats are filled. Not just every other row. 

Though I have made my own peace with my current circumstances, that does not mean I will not continue to look for ways to improve them. Waiting and moving as the Lord directs me. Ever hopeful for the day that I can again jump fully into face to face community. Until then I will echo the words of Paul the apostle in Romans chapter one, verses eleven and twelve, “I long to see you so that I may impart to you some spiritual gift to make you strong- that is, that you and I may be mutually encouraged by each other’s faith.”