Tuesday, August 4, 2015

Should I stay or should I go

I'm in a bit of a quandary. I've mentioned that I work. That I just started working a couple months ago. And some of that has been great. 

I've gotten to be a part of people's lives I never would have met. I also have seen that I have skills I didn't know I had. I've also learned that I like being independent and having that extra income is definitely nice 

But is all that enough? I feel as if I have thrown away the last year of my daughter being home. That maybe I'm wishing away her little sweet heart. I'm more tired and grumpy. I don't cook as much as I used to. Which isn't all bad. I feel like the little bit of time I do have is consumed with making sure the kids are getting there thing done and then getting them to bed. My husband and I are ships in the night most evenings. I never am up for working out. Cause I'm always tired. And the cycle continues. I have become exactly the kind of mom I never wanted to be. Harried and stressed. But with a comfortable income. 

Not that I was Mary Pippins before, but I felt like there was time to get things done and have a good time as well. Things didn't slip they the cracks cause I could take care of them. And I had time for ministry as well. 

I just am not sure. I don't want to look back at my stay at home time with rose colored glasses, but I also don't want to look back on the current season and realize we made a mistake. So we will keep searching and seeking for the right fit. 

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