Wednesday, May 17, 2017

Change Sucks

Over the last few weeks, I started a few programs. One is called Easy Living and supposed to help me manage my responses to stress. Stress that is both small and large. It's very informative and has been somewhat helpful, but keeping up with the program has led me to feeling stressed out. Ironic, no?

Another change I've been making has to do with food. If you read this blog for any length of time, I will eventually confess my love for food. More likely I will talk about my struggles with food. Specifically, those of no longer having the metabolism of my younger self. It's all very hard and first-world problem type stuff.

The time has come, however to implement some change.

In the beginning, I am all for this. The excitement of a new challenge, breaking out of expectations, charting a new course is all very heady and I am full of enthusiasm.

Then I get to the middle. 

Which is the hard part. Because the enthusiasm has run out. There is no new ground. I am mired in the ugly, wasteland of the work part in change. All the butterflies and rainbows have been replaced with a repetitive scene filled with signs saying discipline, labor on and keep at it. The middle sucks.

The results of the change haven't begun to kick in either, so it feels like I'm that guy from Greek mythology who just kept rolling his rock up the hill. With no end in sight for himself. But if he stops, lives are in the balance. I'm not saying I have lives in the balance here, but I certainly understand the repetitive feeling of doing a task without the reward of an ending.

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So why change? 
Why move away from what is comfortable?

Because somewhere in me, there was a desire for something different. A desire to make a way to a new destination. Start the next chapter in my life book. I got to the place that where I had been, was not worth sacrificing what could be. Or maybe I read one to many memes about not just living the same year 90 times and then dying. 

Whatever the reason, I made the step to change. I committed to upheaval in my existence. I told others about the steps I was taking and got accountability. So, when I wallow in how hard the change is, they can remind me what the impetus was to start and what the rewards will be when the changes have been fully implemented.

Yes, change is hard. The middle sucks. It's gonna be worth it. 

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