Tuesday, August 11, 2015

Distractions, distractions everywhere

Sometimes in life we veer off course. We get going on a certain path, things seem to be going well, and then BAM!! Something comes along and we get shoved onto a new path. Other times, we get a series of small nudges that slowly take us on a new course. We can lose sight of what the original goal was.

For me, I got distracted from my goal. When we moved to our new home, everything was more expensive. And we also didn't know a lot of people. I went into a state of depression. I lost sight of my goal which is to raise kids who are confident, kind and light in a dark world. I was so busy looking at what I had lost, I didn't know who I was any more. Then we started seeing how expensive it can be to live close to a city. I was with out my tribe and home. I was bereft. A lonely raft on a big expanse of ocean. You get the idea.

Then we had a pretty big wake up call about our finances. What we thought was pretty secure turned out to be shifting sand. So we panicked and I started applying for jobs. I was losing focus of the goal to stay at home. To serve not only my family that way, but also the other ministries of which I was a part.

 I got an interview, I got a job. I worked full time, and I really liked it. It was like this part of me I had never fully realized before. We were making it work. Both of us being full time parents, all of us chipping in. But there was far less patience. Far less time. I lost sight of the ministry goals I had.

Yes, we were making more money, but we were spending a lot of the money I was making on easy meals and quick fixes. We lost sight of our budgeting goals.

We got to month five of my employment and the kids started acting out more. My husband was also more and more tired. We were all long on anger and short on grace. We were losing sight of keeping our home a peaceful place.

So we took a step back and evaluated. We made the choice for me to leave my job and come home to manage our house and family. To refocus on the ministries I feel called to like MOPS and small groups and building a women's ministry at church.

I thought for a long time that being a stay at home mom was not enough for me. That being the primary care taker didn't really fit my personality. That I was to selfish and introspective to fully realize the needs of my family. And some of that may still be true. But what I have gleaned from my 4 short months as working mom (which I am loathe to title myself, because we all work) is that being at home is enough. I only have a few short years with these kids at home. And I plan on making the best of that time. It won't all be sunshine and rainbows, I know that. But I also know that the days ma be long, but the years will be short.

Where have you lost sight? What do you need to refocus on? Is there something you need to give up so you have space for what matters to your heart?

I know that not everyone can be at home. I don't believe that being at home makes you a better mom. I know a lot of really great moms who work full time out side the home, they work part time, they work from home. I also know a lot of moms who do dedicate themselves to being at home. Even after there kids are in school full time. We are all doing this mom thing together. It takes all kinds, and each family is crafted uniquely. Please keep all negative comments to yourselves, they'll be removed anyways. 

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