Wednesday, September 12, 2018

Rescued or Restored

We were driving down a secondary road in Southern Indiana. My husband and I were newly weds and so hadn't quite worked out our traveling roles. We were trying to make our way back to my Mamaw's house. I was trying to be a navigator, my husband was being the driver. Google Maps wasn't the awesome intuitive thing it is now. In fact, I don't even think it was around yet. Or at least it wasn't in the Mid-west. To make this event even more of a cliche we were also low on gas and we didn't know when we would even find a gas station. So there was little knowledge of the terrain, little gas and spotty cell service at best. I remember thinking in my head, if only our car could magically turn onto the right road!!! I just wanted to be rescued. 

A few years and a few kids later, I'm sitting in my living room in Lafayette, IN. I've blown up at my kids for the umpteenth time. I just want the cycle of guilt, anger at feeling guilty, explosive rage, shame and guilt to end. I need a major life change so I don't pass this shame-cycle unto my kids. I 
need to be restored.

So what's the difference between rescued and restored? 

They both start with "R". They both kind of have to do with a change in situation. Why isn't being rescued enough?

The major difference is that being rescued is all about the circumstances. It's about being taking out of one place and put in another. Sometimes we do need to be rescued from where we are. Sometimes it leads to a real, permanent path of changed behaviors and attitudes. When we are in a bad situation or unhealthy relationships, absolutely. Get rescued out of that. When we've had an accident, we need immediate rescue. 

However, when we ourselves are exhibiting the same unhealthy behaviors and attitudes a rescue is a  temporary solution. 

Restoration is what we need for lasting heart change. Restoration takes time. It's often messy. It might mean going back to someone and saying, "I'm sorry." Or "I forgive you." Restoration might also mean staying where you are. It doesn't always remove you from a tough place. Often, restoration is about staying in the tough place and identifying why it's tough for you. 

Restoration is uncomfortable work. For me, it looked like a lot of soul searching and tears. It has meant saying I forgive you. It has been about apologizing to my kids for the anger and absentee parenting. It was about getting my hormones and brain chemicals figured out with some drug therapy Setting up some boundaries. 

I would love to say that I've never gotten angry again. But that's not what restoration is either. It's not about completely removing all negative emotion or reactions. It's about having the space in your heart to give yourself a check. To be able to say when the volcanic spew of rage is about to fly from my lips, let's halt. Is my response appropriate to the situation? Or is this really about something or someone else? 

With time, restoration brings healing from our wounds. Restoration brings wholeness to our lives. Restoration is not something we do on our own. It takes a team. It's you, Jesus, a good counselor or accountability partner and some guided materials to help you walk thru the mire and find the hire ground. 

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