Am I enough?

I was walking into a women's event at my home church. I was walking in alone. I wasn't sure if there would even be anyone I knew there. I didn't have a job to do or any reason to be there except that I wanted to support women's ministry and be a part of what was happening.

I came in and was greeted warmly by a few ladies who were chatting by the front door. I said hi back and received their hugs. Then I went and dropped my fruit plate off and grabbed a cup of coffee. As I was coming into the venue, I looked around and saw some seats that were not far from the front, but not to close that I would be seeing up anyone's nostrils.

Another friend came over and we caught up. Then she went to prepare for her part of the morning. I looked around and noticed that all the other rows were filled with women. That all the other women were talking to each other. That of all those talking to each other, no one was talking to me.

Then the doubt kicked in.

What's wrong with me that no one wants to talk to me? Am I putting off some kind of non-verbal signal that I don't want to be spoken to? Do I smell?

Then the rationalization kicked in.

Well, obviously I'm not smelling. I took a shower today. And maybe all these ladies are at table groups together and just want to catch up. Eventually someone will say hi to me, beyond the one or two people I have met before?

But no one did. Not one person, beyond those that already knew me, came to say hello to me. 

Then the anger kicked in.

Don't these women know who I am? Shame on them for not saying hi to me. How dare they all sit in their insulated rows and not even smile at someone sitting by herself. What if I was new to church? What if I didn't have the self-confidence to sit here in this row by myself? This could negatively impact me for the REST OF MY LIFE! Doesn't anyone realize that?!

It wasn't pretty. It wasn't even okay. It was down right ugly in my brain.

Then, the listening portion of the morning was over and people were dismissed from the large venue into small groups. I immediately determined that I wasn't going to stick around for another opportunity to be snubbed, so I started to make a bee-line for the exit.

Then I heard my name being called.

I turned and saw a few other friends I hadn't seen come in. I walked over to make my niceties and then leave, but instead of just a polite how are you kind of conversation, I was invited to sit with them during brunch. My feeble excuse of needing to go get groceries was quickly shot down for the poor defense it was.

So I stayed. And the feelings of rejection, of being ignored, of feeling I wasn't enough were dispelled among the common language of parenting, relocation and good food.

All it took was an invitation to drown out the fear of not being enough. Not that we should ever look to another for our self-worth. But everyone needs to be seen. To be noticed.

That morning reaffirmed a truth I heard a decade ago. That there are two types of people in this world. There are, Here I am people who walk into a room and expect to be noticed. They often get huffy and hurt when they feel they are being ignored or not noticed. (SEE ABOVE). But then there are There you are people. These are the people who come in and look for the ones that are by themselves. Or for the group that seems to be unsure of where to sit or what to do. There you are people don't come into a room expecting to be noticed. They come into the room to see who they can notice.

I know I am enough because I am a daughter of the king. I have been gifted and appointed to live on this earth at this time for my Creator's purpose. You are too. You are enough. Don't let anyone ever tell you differently.