Lord, Teach Me

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I remember when I didn't have kids. I was married and smug in my assumptions that I was going to do things differently than my parents had. In fact, I was going to do them better. Because if there was one thing a few weeks of babysitting an only child coupled with the hubris of youth told me it was, I knew what I was GONNA do. 

Then my baby came, then another. Then five years later yet another. You know what? I didn't have a clue with any of them. I knew the basics like how to change a diaper. I read the books like "What to expect" and I even read a few blog posts. I looked to the examples of some women I respected, even my own mom. I determined what worked for me and what wouldn't. With each kid that changed a little bit. Sometimes, it was a drastic change. We made it through infancy, toddlerhood, pre-school and elementary. Now I'm in the middle of adolescence and I realize I know even less about how to parent than I thought in the first four stages of my kids lives. I oscillate between , "Why won't you just do what I say, anymore?" and sitting back in my easy chair with a bag of popcorn waiting for them to make mistakes so I can jump in with a teachable moment no one appreciates. Some days I even get to throwing my hands in the air and saying "Good luck with that!" 

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Have you been there? So frustrated with your child that it feels impossible to know how to handle a situation? You can physically feel the pull of your child away from you? Seeing their minds counting down to the day they get out of your home and finally able to join the real world and make their own choices? Then the next minute they come with a request for money or a ride or a snack or to have a friend over as if they haven't just shredded your heart with their flippant disregard of your house rules? Of your own emotions? 

That's where we are some days. I am realizing more and more how ill-equipped I am to parent my teenagers well. By the time I was a teenager all I wanted to do was get a job, buy a car and not be dependent on anyone again. I praise God they haven't experienced the kind of trauma I did that led to me wanting to be independent. I see that I don't know how to parent from a place of wholeness, I only know how to parent out of my own brokenness. And that is why I need to be taught by my most perfect Parent how to love and raise my own kids well. 

Psalm 25:5 is a prayer that says "Guide me in your truth and teach me, for you are God my Savior, and my hope is in you all day long". Another favorite I frequently adapt as a prayer are the words of Jesus when He says in Matthew 11:29-30 "Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light". Because I need that reminder, that parenting is not just a burden that I carry alone. It is a burden that is light because I have the support and love of the Holy Spirit. I have the ability to tap into supernatural power when I am facing a battle with one of my kids. I am constantly seeing the love and grace the Father bestows onto me by how overwhelmed I am by love and grace for my kids. 

My friends, we do not parent out of our brokenness when we surrender it to Jesus. We can parent out of the unending provision of God when we surrender that brokenness to Him. He is our portion and provider. When we are faced with a situation in parenting that we are or feel we are ill-equipped to handle, let's turn to the one who is ever so patiently parenting us.