There I was again, at the grocery check-out this week. As I saw the numbers on the till begin to rise past what was in my wallet I was realizing I was short about ten dollars. No problem, I can just use my credit card to make up the difference. Then I look at my wallet and see the empty slot where my credit card normally is. There's no Apple pay and the closest ATM is to far away to make this a quick trip. I 'm looking at my cart of essentials and trying to pare it down to the barest of bare necessities. I'm sorting out the apples and peanut butter from the butter. I'm trying to determine if we really need a loaf of bread or will the half-loaf left at home be enough to get us thru the weekend? All of these thoughts are running thru my mind when I hear the cashier ask me,
"How much are you short?"
I reply, "I'm about $8.50 short?"
Cashier "Oh it's ok, I can cover that. It will be my good deed for the day."
Cashier proceeds to get a slip of register paper and make a note that she needs to balance out her register with the remainder of my grocery cost.
My immediate, gut response was NO!!! I don't need you to cover my groceries. I am only using cash because I have access to innumerable credit cards and want to be free of debt. I'm wearing Banana Republic for goodness sake, I don't need anyone to cover my grocery costs! Honestly, that was the barrage of excuses that ran thru my head. My pride was getting ready to come out loud and strong.
Than a quieter but just as insistent voice entered the arena and said, "It's ok, my dear one. I see you. I know the sacrifice and obedience you've been walking in. I know the shame that this pride is masking. The shame of not having enough. Of being seen as needing help when all you want is to be seen as capable. This gift of $8.50 is my way of letting you know that I see and adore you my girl. So take it and accept it graciously."
So, I did. I said thank-you to the cashier. I said, "I'm not going to cry over you. I'm just gonna take my cart over and load up my groceries while I thank Jesus for this gift." The cashier gave me a funny little smile and then said, "Ok, have a nice day!"
And that was it.
I went from feeling dejected and ashamed that I had to put back some of my necessities to letting go of the shame and accepting a generous gift from a stranger.
We've all been in a situation like that. We've committed to doing the right thing, the best choice thing and then we get to a place where our intentions aren't quite measuring up the reality and things get a little muddled. We get to the place where we have to make a choice between basketball or groceries. Or maybe it's not going on a family vacation again because your kid was in the hospital. Or maybe it's just that buying another sweater from the mall isn't quite covering up the cut from your childhood traumas.
Eventually, we have to ask ourselves, "Do I have enough?"
If I received nothing more in my life, beyond what I absolutely need for survival (love, food, shelter, healthcare) would that be enough for me?
That's a really a question about contentment. Not about finances. I can make one million dollars a month and not have enough. I can make ten dollars a day and be satisfied. Where's my heart at?
If my heart is in alignment with what God says about me, if I am following His path, then I know that everything I have is a gift from Him for my enjoyment. That everything I have is a gift to be used for His kingdom purposes. The I know that I know that I have enough.
Where are you? Where is your heart? Are you happy with what you have? Or are you craving more because you're living in fear that it's not enough?
"How much are you short?"
I reply, "I'm about $8.50 short?"
Cashier "Oh it's ok, I can cover that. It will be my good deed for the day."
Cashier proceeds to get a slip of register paper and make a note that she needs to balance out her register with the remainder of my grocery cost.
My immediate, gut response was NO!!! I don't need you to cover my groceries. I am only using cash because I have access to innumerable credit cards and want to be free of debt. I'm wearing Banana Republic for goodness sake, I don't need anyone to cover my grocery costs! Honestly, that was the barrage of excuses that ran thru my head. My pride was getting ready to come out loud and strong.
Than a quieter but just as insistent voice entered the arena and said, "It's ok, my dear one. I see you. I know the sacrifice and obedience you've been walking in. I know the shame that this pride is masking. The shame of not having enough. Of being seen as needing help when all you want is to be seen as capable. This gift of $8.50 is my way of letting you know that I see and adore you my girl. So take it and accept it graciously."
So, I did. I said thank-you to the cashier. I said, "I'm not going to cry over you. I'm just gonna take my cart over and load up my groceries while I thank Jesus for this gift." The cashier gave me a funny little smile and then said, "Ok, have a nice day!"
And that was it.
I went from feeling dejected and ashamed that I had to put back some of my necessities to letting go of the shame and accepting a generous gift from a stranger.
We've all been in a situation like that. We've committed to doing the right thing, the best choice thing and then we get to a place where our intentions aren't quite measuring up the reality and things get a little muddled. We get to the place where we have to make a choice between basketball or groceries. Or maybe it's not going on a family vacation again because your kid was in the hospital. Or maybe it's just that buying another sweater from the mall isn't quite covering up the cut from your childhood traumas.
Eventually, we have to ask ourselves, "Do I have enough?"
If I received nothing more in my life, beyond what I absolutely need for survival (love, food, shelter, healthcare) would that be enough for me?
That's a really a question about contentment. Not about finances. I can make one million dollars a month and not have enough. I can make ten dollars a day and be satisfied. Where's my heart at?
If my heart is in alignment with what God says about me, if I am following His path, then I know that everything I have is a gift from Him for my enjoyment. That everything I have is a gift to be used for His kingdom purposes. The I know that I know that I have enough.
Where are you? Where is your heart? Are you happy with what you have? Or are you craving more because you're living in fear that it's not enough?
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