Calling or Connection

Many many years ago, I was a young lady in search of some friends. I had just gotten to college where I knew some people from my home town, but this was a new opportunity to meet people. To break out of the box I had been in for the last eighteen years. Instead of being the shy and bookish younger sister I could be the loud, fun girl that had been trying to break out of her shell. I went to the mixers, I introduced myself at chapel, I signed up for the clubs and groups that I thought sounded interesting. All of this intermingling was bringing me connection. Something I didn't even know I was needing in my life.

photo from qga.com.br

Fast forward two years to my junior year in college. I had found an amazing group of friends. I was set on my academic path. I was committed to my future husband. But I had NO IDEA what I was supposed to do with my life. So I tried to just join and be a part of the things my friends were a part of. I was piggy backing on their callings to stay connected to them.

This worked for a minute, but then I realized I had NO DESIRE WHATSOEVER to be in science or art clubs. I hated being an early morning DJ. I was passed over as an Resident Assistant, I would rather eat my own vomit than go on a ten day hiking trip thru the Grand Canyon. So that left me alone at my parents new house where I was further isolated because they had moved from Michigan to Florida. I tried to make some connections there, but it was hard investing or being invested in because I knew I was only going to be down in the Florida swamp-lands for about three months.

I was alone, frustrated, irritated and floundering with who was I? What should I do? How could I be a world changer?

This desire for connection was louder than the call God was beginning to show me. In that three month season of living in Florida, I began to suffer from anxiety and insomnia. I had no one to copy to be. I had to be who I was. And that left me paralyzed and scared to do anything.

Have you been there? So desperate for connection that you join every group you find on the internet? Or you sign up to help with every class party because at least that's a little bit of adult interaction with the teacher? Or maybe you sign up for the gym membership, the book club, the bible study just hoping that someone or something clicks with you? Maybe you take a job hoping it reveals itself as your mission for life?

I have. I've been so busy mimicking everyone else I couldn't hear or see my own unique talents and gifts. I was looking for everyone else to verify who I was supposed to be.

It's taken a good decade for me to learn how to shut out all the voices and learn that it's ok for me to be who I was created to be.

That there is no secret society I will be invited to if I start writing and public speaking.

There is no monthly dinner I get to host because I too make encouraging videos for Social Media.

There is no VIP club membership that lets me walk past the line and get right into the party.

photo from npr.org

I can't pursue the calling because I'm hoping it brings connection. The pursuit of your calling is an
individual race. It's you and your Creator spending the time to smooth out the rough edges. It's the daily work of practice, discipline and focus.

Pursuing what you love is a hard and lonely road sometimes, but it's worth it. It's completely and totally worth it.

So take the step, put down the phone and move forward my friend.

You can do it!